-[RadioActive.]-

Wow...

2009-09-29T22:02:21Z

Wow.. I was in such a good mood..I just suddenly got really depressed. I guess I am tired of living here. in Florida.. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no one in person.. everyone is online.. and I feel so sick..It's lonely not having anyone around..my best fucking friend is leaving this weekend...to move.. Yesterday,. was the last day that I could see her before she moves.. God. I am so sick of all this shit. Sick of the pain from relationships. how people shit there and tell me that they love me... then make it a lie.. I am getting really tired of this life. I may depressed alot. But I am not one to kill myself. Or threaten to kill myself.

The future holds many things, you never know what the future holds. for all I know.. I could get a lover, a job, or something.. why end your life just because something bad happens..? the future could be alot better.. this world is a piece of shit. It needs to be reborn. One day it will. and we will all perish.. we start dying the moment we are born. and we die, when it's our time.. we cannot live forever.. our bodies can only handle so much of this ruthless world. I hate living. I hate it alot.. but I am here, for my friends, and those who truly need me..

So much has happened to me. alot that I will not say on this journal.. but if you want to know.. I will tell your seperatly. I am just.. So tired.. I just want to sleep.. and not wake up.. I rather fucking Dream, then live in his ruthless fucking hellhole piece of shit. Ugh. Just.. I may sound emo. But I am only saying what is on my mind,..
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.
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.
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All for now...

Protective and Fuck People.

2009-09-29T19:09:09Z

Oh Where to Start.

Oh I Know.

....

How about.

People really need to stop fucking with my friends. I have so many friends, that I love to pieces, but that does not mean you go and fuck with them. I am sick and tired of assholes. Deciding to go and hurt my friends. Okay. My friends. I am protective of. I will do anything for them, because I know they would return the favor, and because I know they love me, in return. My friends are my life. Everytime I lose one, a part of me dies. Now. People. I am so tired of the bullshit. Tired of the lies, the abuse, Everything. Most people are fucking worthless, and do not know how to grow up.

I am fucking tired how the world is now. Vermins. That's all people are mostly now these days. They rape their own kids, or other kids, they abuse their own kids, Or what ever the fuck they want. Raping and abuse, period is disgusting. If you are into raping and abusing, Then you should just die. :D It's stupid, irritating, and vile, yet gross, and pathetic. I will have to deal with the world myself won't I? Apparently. I am no longer who I once was. due to what has happened to me over the years.

Fucking People. I Hate them. My friends deserve better, I deserve better. I hate society I hate this world. I hate people. Because All it is, is turning into hell. No one's able to be smart enough not to do stupid shit. Everyone's turning stupid. There's only VERY FEW, people with actual Intelligence. So People, do the world a fucking favor and grow the fuck up.

Another thing. My Friends That I am currently protecting more than anything, because they are going through a rough time are.

Redrum
Imiko
Hexx

They mean alot to me. They have been having alot of stress to deal with. And I will back them up all the fucking way. You talk shit about them expect me to come after you. With Deadly fangs, none the less. I am so fucking tired of my friends being hurt. It's pissing me off. The next person that hurts them. I am jumping at their miserable throats. Of Which they no longer need since they started it. So. Here's an Idea. Back the fuck off. My Friends, Not yours if you are to treat them like shit. Because i never will. <3

Now. I am ending this stupid rant, shortly. Redrum, Immy. I will always be here for you guys. You mean alot to me. You guys do not deserve the shit that you are receiving from anyone. It's irritating. Hurts me because I care for you guys. All I can really do is be here for your guys, until I actually move up there. I plan on helping you guys get out of there. >3 We will live in a fucking apartment together, and rock the entire apartment complex. xDD. You guys are awesome.<3 Just remember. You can come to me with anything. Bitch about people, rant, cry, anything. I am here. I will never do anything to fuck you guys over. <33333333333333333333333xx 9890238490234 Hearts for you guys. I love you. <3

This Ends My Little Rant. Yes. It was done rainbow for a reason and for the hell of it. Anyways. I RadioActive, hereby State. That No matter what you fucking do. You cannot Break the bond I have with my friends and loved ones. I will do anything for them, take a fucking bullet for them. They are my life. I may no longer have any friends in person. But All my friends are online. They maybe online, But they are Real. I can actually see them if given time, money, and whatnot. Before I die. I plan on seeing every last one of them. I will not die until I have.

I
Will
Fucking
Rock
This
World.

And make it a better fucking place. The world will change little by little, with how my actions will effect it. We all can do it. If you try.

<3333333333

Love You Guys. <3

HeartBroken

2009-09-22T03:49:58Z

When you sit there. And tell someone that you love them. And have loved them a long time. Poured your heart out to them. And whatnot. You actually mean it. You arn't pulling their fucking leg or anything. But when they have the nerve to turn around and say they do not think it's going to work or happen. It crushes you. I have loved someone for a long time. But She refuses.. It's just so over whelming. All the shit I am going through as of late. Makes me want to strangle myself or others. I have been trying to hard to keep the rest of my sanity. But It's not working all to well.. When you are deeply inlove with someone.. It's hard to let them go. and It kills you when they tell you that the person told me. It's annoying.
As for my ex, BlackGothFox. I heard so many things about her. It's annoying. She apparently cheated on me, used me, and manipulated me into me believing that she really loved me. I do not know what the fuck was with her. But I also kinda caught her doing it too. Online as a matter of fact, with a bitch named Milou. Oh Fucking Well. I am over that.

Okay Also. I am using this post to Update majourly.

So..

Here we go.

I found out that my father is getting worse. Not only that but my mother has majour problems.
Risk of Heartattack. Kidney Failure. She's Diabetic and I already knew this. And She's majorly ill. There's just. Ugh.
I cannot sleep at night, Afraid that something will happen to her while I sleep. I can't sleep at night period. Never been able too. It's hard for me.

Also.. People sit there and bitch at me. Constantly. About "O'h you're too depressed." "Do Something about It." "Oh Grow up." "You're making it worse than it really is." "You're over Reacting." and shit like that... Uhm lets see. No one willr eally know JUST how fucking hard it is to be me. I have to deal with a sick mother whom can't get up and clean the whole damned house. Or go out as much. And Losing my father,. Who I WAS Closest too. People assume shit. They irritate me. There's just alot going on, and people jump to conclusions. It's stupid, childish and so forth. For once would people shut the fuck up and listen,. Instead of trying to chime in, and say they know me, and my life, when they haven't been there through half of it. I do not always tell people what I am feeling.. Because people tend to use things against me. And they sit there and say they care and will always be here. Yet they bitch me out..Fuck that.

I give thousands of hearts to those who actually care enough to fucking listen..

Also..
I hate being a female. I really do,. I rather be a hot, slender 19 year old male. Males are better, with so many things. and i hate the fact that men get better luck in alot of things.. I just wish I could actually be male.... So In rl and online from now on. I want to be called A "Him." "He." "Sir." "Guy." "His." Nothing to do with a female..

I hope people respect me enough to grant that wish... D:.

Alright.. to All My friends. I love you guys. I always will. You mean so much to me. I don't think I'd still be here if you guys haven't been there for me. ILY All.

Now..
I have been suicidal for the last few months. I just keep telling myself. That I will live for my loved ones. Sure I may get to the point of wanting to take my own life. But I don't because I have alot to live for. No one knows that the future holds. So I am not going to be stupid enough to end it all.

All for now...

/......................
..............
........
...
..
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Radio <3's All His Friends, Bunches.

People and their Bullshit

2009-07-12T06:51:52Z

When someone sits there and says. "Radio I am Inlove with you." and then they go and date someone else. That pisses me off. Because That's not ONLY Playing with my heart. But it's a fucking lie. I Hate Liars. I HATE People who fuck with others Hearts. Really. Who the fuck does that. It's pathetic. And It's rediculious. I'm tired of people's lies. Tired of people. Their bullshit. They can take it and SHOVE IT up their ass. I am done with how people treat me. The next fucking person that treats me Like they fucking care and then later turn around and SUDDENLY stop talking to me, just because they get a new little fuck buddy after bold face lying to me about loving me, and bought me alot of nice little things, and or whatnot. FUCK THAT> I'll beat the shit out of the next person that pulls strings on this already broken heart. I am done with people. Done with relationships. I hate Men. I only tolerate a few. But UGH. FUCK THeir bullshit. I am Lesbian. But just because of that. You don't have to be all. "Radio. I'm Inlove with you." Cause I am going to say. "Bullshit." Simple. :D :D LOL LOFL. ._.

Leaving

2009-06-14T02:11:15Z

I am leaving the internet. So I am sorry those who'd like to keep in contact. I do have a cell with texting so let me know. I might be back Who Knows.. I just am not Stable anymore... Sorry... My mind is gone,..

I love you guys..

I'll miss you..

Oh...

2009-06-12T08:29:44Z

Meh.. I'm feeling really Ill right now. My body is like.. shutting down on me.. I've had so much happen to me. I really don't know how much more I can take. I'm going to confess a few things..

My past has been horrible.. I've been mentally, sexually and physically abused my whole life. I've even been raped in my own home.. by someone who was supposivly (Sp, Don't care.) Was my friend. But that's been a while ago. Like two years ago.

Then There was a house that burned to the ground. Yay. I got to watch that for 6 hours..So now everytime that Someone has a stove going or what not, I freak out. Thinking the house will catch fire.. PTSD. Yay. There just. UGH> So Much. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. I want. To be free of all of this pain. But how the fuck am I suppose to do that? I have a stressful future waiting for me...

In That house. I heard a man.. Screaming for MY mother to help him.. He was trapped into the fire.. Couldn't escape because he was on oxygen. Yeah.. The moment I saw my mother try to go in the front door of that house. With Pitch black smoke Billowing out.. I knew something was wrong... I knew.. To Get her away. I grabbed her by her shirt, and pulled her away. A second after i did.. The oxygen tanks exploded. One by one. Oxygen feeds fire. So the fire got worse. And the man's screams silenced. Then the window air conditioning units exploded.

Come to find out. The firefighters were to chicken shit to save that man..Because the tanks.. But he wasn't burned. Smoke inhalation.

Watched that stupid house burn for 6 hours. Listened to that man scream for a long time. watched the fire get so big that we had to evacuate our own home.. ._.; yeah..

I'm so tired of this life...

I'll just post more later. I'm too sick for this... :[

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize
I'm slowly losing you

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away

Oh, how I adore you
Oh, how I thirst for you
Oh, how I need you

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

Breathing life, waking up
My eyes open up

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

Oh, how I adore you
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Oh, how I thirst for you
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Oh, how I adore you
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)

Just Because

2009-06-11T05:11:35Z

Your rainbow is shaded orange.

What is says about you: You are a strong person. You appreciate a challenge. Others are amazed at how you don't give up.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Grayson Got Green So That's mine. :D

Venting

2009-06-11T04:56:49Z

Let's see. Where Shall I start.

First: I've been with the same Lover for almost 2 years, okay? She decided to change on me. Always Busy, too busy to contact me, message me back or return my calls. Too fucking busy to even come see me, her own fucking lover. Then. She avoids me alot. My calls and texts. What started this, I do not know. But it happened around April, Before my 19th birthday. She left me ten days before hand. Then a month later asks me back. Course Loving her I took her back. Then the busy shit happened. YAY. Oh whatever. I'm tired of that. She's been like that since April. Till today, We broke up. She was all. "You can be free, I still love you. It's not working." Kind of thing. I am done with Relationships.

It kills me to break someones heart, you see the pain in their eyes and the guilt that you feel from doing this, is Unbearable, it makes you feel like you've murdered them. I've done it, But not as much as others have to me. Don't lay your problems blame on me, go on with your own life, make use of it.
    I'm Not a fucking relationship person. I hate them. I feel confined, and controlled at times. I don't need to put up with the dramatic shit associated with them. Stop trying to act like you know me and tell me who I am and or what I am. When I want someone to tell me this, I'll let them know. Point Blank. When I want a Relationship, I'll say so. Until then, get off my back about it. Get on with your own fucking lives. Learn to appreciate the free done of being Single, and learn that you don't have to be happy by being in a relationship. I know I will. I'll feel a hell of a lot better once I get use to it.
I love My friends with all my heart, I really do. So I'm not going to categorize them with this girlfriend bullshit, Because My friends are always going to be there for me, more than a girlfriend would have. A girlfriend is mostly Temporary. Friends are actually there for you forever.
    I hate being a heartbreaker or having my heart broken. I've warned you people. Do not. And I mean. Do NOT. Fall inlove with me

Second: I have this friend who thinks that She's useless and everything else. She's not. I love her to pieces. It hurts me so much when she thinks all the things that she has been thinking. She's useless, Miserable, Wants to die and shit like that. No, no NO! I am sorry but NO. I am tired of losing loved ones. Endrence, love. If you try to do anything of if you keep thinking those. I swear. I don't want you being all sad. D: You're suppose to remain all happy. That's who you are... When you are sad. It makes me sad because I feel your pain. I hate it when you hurt. D:

Last thing: I am tired of how people think when I say something or react over stress, that I am automatically a drama causer. That's bullshit. People. Get your heads out of your ass. This is Reality. Everyone causes Drama. Drama is everywhere. If there was no drama, Then life would be boring. Repeating the same things over and over again. I'm tired of lectures and people saying this and that is better or worse. People think they know me. They don't. I will let someone know me when I am ready. Until then Stop assuming shit people. Drama,. Is. Everywhere.

-End Rant.-

My Friends That Mean Most To Me.

2009-05-08T13:39:00Z

Star.
Legends.
Skywolf.
Slander/Ashayra/Always_And_Forever
Redrum
Imiko
Silister/Venom.
Hexx
Howler.
Glacial.
Mirathu.
Mikel.
Vulffen.
Sanoka.
HatredMoonFire
Kilawolfracer.
Monster/Mazakai.
Topaz/Nighlah.
Ryuichi/Jade.
Glue
Kamots.
Kamoku.
Sandrock/Sandman.
Taishi.
Kiche.
Majour.
Anioubious/Rayne
Athati/Nakkaria. -Sp.-
Zephyrus. -sp-
Wolfdancer.
Coyox.
Ather.
Needle.
Frank.
Marluxia.
Verwilderte
Sumdude.
Naturen.
Leski.
Kosaburo.
Rintaro.
Ren.

[I will be editing this when I remember more. Lol. <3]

My friends mean so much to me. They have always been there for me. I will protect them with my life. Anyone who decides to hurt them or try. will pay greatly. I am sick of people hurting the ones I care about.

I love you guys. <3 I'll always be here.

<input ... ></input><input ... >

Swine Flu?

2009-05-08T13:19:56Z

Lol Swine flu? The Fuck? I know that there are flu's out there but omg. It's just a flu. Yet we have to give it a special name? OMFG. SWINE. Kay. Bird Flu's another flu out there that's not as active. But People, wow. All I know is that someone needs to calm down. Better yet. People should calm down. It's just like any other flu. You get sick. Yatta yatta.

People make it sound sooo horrible. But It's not. It's just another sickness out there. People over exaggerate. I'm not saying that I don't either. At times I do. With Sicknesses like Aids and all. But It's life. We're all going to die eventually from something here an there. It's just the way of life. We are born to die. We start dying the instant we are born. Mm. Regardless.

-Radio.

I'm Baaaaaack. :D

2009-05-07T21:20:30Z

I am Back. :D Sorry that I have been gone for so long. There's been alot of shit going around and alot of rl shit to deal with. I'm tired of all this. I've been dealing with stupid idiots who assume so much. They're all. " LOL I AM AN IDIOT AND YOU'RE STUPID." Grow Up... No Really. Please do. There's enough idiots out there in this world. Another thing Is. I've been getting school shit done with Car License and all. I'm just over whelmed. I come online to escape IRL problems? LOL NO. False. Because. Online Has soo much drama. It's everywhere. No one can espace it. Unless you go live in the middle of no where. With no cars, eletricity or T.V And Radio. Because then You wouldn't know what Drama is.. Then again there is little hints here and there.

LOL. People love walking all over others. It's just life. I try. to Be loving and be there for people. But My payment is. being used, Thrown around, stepped all over. And everything else. I am done. xP

Anyways. I'll post anotehr in a while. My Hands hurt from Carpal tunnel. :/

<333

Yay for being Sick.

2008-10-12T02:20:51Z

Yay sickness. Pfft. No

Yeah. There's been this weird airborne cold going around. Alot of people are catching it. I wasn't even around anyone that was sick. And I still got it. and bad. It's bad to where I can't breathe, constantly cold even if there are like. what.. 5 blankets over me? Yeah. Pretty bad. I've been told to get rest by almost everyone. My mother even bitched at me and told me to get some sleep at least. So. IDK. I'm going to at least go Laydown, Turn the laptop on, and draw, until I fall asleep or something. Lol. Anyways.

Watch out guys. You might be the next one to get sick. D:

-Bed Calls.-

<3

Been A Long Time

2008-10-10T08:23:07Z

IWow. It's been so long since I posted in this. I've been rather busy. Well.;. Let's see how to explain myself now.
We've had terrible things happening of lately.

A few months ago, A fatal house fire happened. Killing a husband and making a few people homeless. But recently. We've found out that they've been doing nothing but using us, and all this stupid shit. I am so sick of it. I keep getting bitched at 24/7 by these people. THey talk trash about my mother and me. Saying that I'man ungrateful little bitch. Who cares? They are starting shit.

I can safely say that I've not been around much for many reasons. Too much Drama, and everything going on.

But I am Happily engaged now. For over a year now. :D We are doing happily. BlackGothFox is my lover. We've been doing swell.

On the other hand. I've been sickly lately. We are not doing so well Financially. I've been trying to sell my art. To get cash for food and to keep our house. We arn't doing so well. http://www.deadlyradioactive.deviantart.com That's my Newest da with my ner art. If you are interested. Please feel free to let me know.. :3

For those who have been worried about me.

No worries.

I am fine now., <333333

Until the next Entry. Take care. :3

Wow.

2008-03-29T00:17:32Z

Okay. So Apperently I haven't been here. Well. I'm now Engaged. 7 months comes April 14 :] I love my Lovely Lover. BlackGothFox. Mmmmmm. My Birthday is soooon Also. April 6th I'll be 18 Goooooooooooo me. LEGAL> I don't have much time right now. Just checking in and letting everyone know that I'm alright, and I've been busy trying to get a job and everything.. I will mostly be found on wolfhome. But under a new name. Lol. Love you guys.<3333

Missing him

2007-11-21T13:54:27Z

... Oh man. I'm such a mess lately. There is alot going on. I've noticed that my father is getting worse. and I'm not able to handle it well. All I want to do is cry. Curl into a ball and let the earth swallow me. But I can't die yet. I have my mother and friends that I must be there for. It's hard to lose a father, or a loved one at that. I just wish he came home.. I'm sick of all this pain.. :[

Omfg.

2007-10-07T14:11:26Z

Okay. So. Morning everyone. I recently found a kitten out in the ice cold night while it was raining. It was scared to death and starving. So I saved him. .. Regardless I got bit. But I am fine.. xD He is so small. And so delicate. We think that he was either wild or someone tortured him and left him for dead. So I saved him, Like Around 1:00 Am in the morning, And this was Thursday morning. And we still have him. :]

Anyways. I have a friend comming over. and hopefully she can stay for more than just a day. -Grin.- I can torture her so badly. xD

Anyways. Not much to say right now. So yeah. Later people. <33333333333333333333333333

>_>: :p

Ew..

2007-10-03T08:00:30Z

-He twitched slightly as he curled into a ball against his pillow, whimpering in slight pain.-
Okay ew. I feel really sick. I mean.. I see the word "Food." or think of food. I want to puke. I have no clue what is wrong with me. But I am all shakey. and cold. and I feel really sick. I mean.. the back of my ears are tingling and my mouth is watering like I want to throw up. Most people know how that is.. My hands are Ice cold. And my eyes are droopy. I am tired and sick. I don't know what I am sick from. Maybe food poisoning? But.. I barley ate.. Lack of sleep and food? No.. Hungry? Don't think so.. Maybe it's stress and everything added along that. Whatever the cause. I do not like it. -Twitched softly.-

End This topic with. Good night everyone. I am off to Bed. I am really Tired. and I want to see if I can sleep. <3333333333333333333333333333 Night all.

Morning.

2007-10-02T10:17:26Z

Morning Everyone. Ugh. I was yet again woken by my friends mother.. Because my friend had to go to school. And He wouldn't get up. So she yelled at him. My ears bled I swear it. Blarg. I can't go back to sleep now that I got woken. It's just not fair.. I am usually one to stay up all night And sleep all day. But noo. After talking last night. Me and my friend fell asleep. Of course he fell asleep an hour and half befor myself.
She raised hell this smorning trying to wake him. And he just rolled over. I tried not to laugh and yell at her at the same time.

......

...

Oh. And By the way. Those of you, Who think that you can get away with guilt tripping me. Trust me. You Won't get Far. I have many friends who will hunt you down. They mostly know what is going on. And are protective. -He sneered.- Or I can handle you myself. You guilt me. I'll laugh at your poor attempts. Or.. I'll Laugh at you in General.<3

My Sister. Star<3 I Loves j00. I am closer with you and a few other people. Because I've known you guys longer. It's weird how one can get so attached. <33333333333333 Thanks for being there for all those who have been there for me in the past when I had been depressed.<3

Omfg. ._.;

2007-10-01T14:08:46Z

...
....
.....

kay.. Right now.. I honestly feel like shit.. I've been thinking to much again. And all I want to do right now I cry. I mean.. Ugh. I don't know what to do with this life of mine anymore. I'm thinking way to much. I barely sleep and eat. -He curls into a ball against his sisters Star,Legends and His best friend Skywolf.- Grr. Seriously. I am so fed up with this shit.. -He whimpered slightly.- All I want to do is roll over and submit to the world and die. I feel like.. I can't trust people anymore. Yes.,. I know, I might seem or sound emo. But I'm not. So back off. I bite. And I bite Fucking Hard. To be honest. I hate people. Except people I am closest with... And I will list them.

Star.
Legends.
Skywolf.
Slander/Ashayra/Always_And_Forever.
BlackGothFox.
Silister/Venom.
Kamots.
Kamoku.
Sandrock/Sandman.
Taishi.
Kiche.
Majour.
Anioubious My nickname for Anubis on wolfhome.
Athati/Nakkaria. -Sp.-
Zephyrus. -sp-
Wolfdancer.
Coyox.
Ather.
Needle.
Frank.
Nushaa.
Marluxia.

And more that I can't think of Right now.xD

Anyways... I love my friends for being there for me. They mean the world to me.. I Love you guys. You mean more than you guys think you do.. Thank you... for everything.. even if it was true or not.. Lies or not... Thank you. Lmfao<3

Ugh.

2007-10-01T12:39:58Z

Okay.. Wow. My friends have told me lately. To make one of these. Live Journals. So I Did. Lol. I just finally got a wild hair up my ass and made one. -He sighed softly.- Alright.. Let's see. I am, RadioActive. I know there are other people who have my name. BUT Not my character, :p And If anyone dares claim him as theirs. I swear. I will eat you. I worked hard on creating him. And I mostly got him from a dream I had. And ect.

Okay. Well. I, RadioActive. Am someone who you shouldn't piss off. I have been so stressed out lately. I swear I would have shot myself by now. I am very Blunt, And Very Brutally Honest.

Anyways. My father a few years back. Had a horrible stroke that left him in a comma for 6 months. After he woke. He stayed home for a while.. And then my stupid uncle. JD. [I Hate. and I mean HATE Him!] Tried to take my father away. Sadly. My father has Dementia [Aka. Altimers. -sp.- Y'know, Where people start to lose all their memories.] anyways. Yeah.. My father was helpless. My mother didn't know what going on. Until I screamed for my Uncle to get out of the house. 'Get The FUCK Out of Our House, You lowlife Freak. You have no business here.,' Let me tell you.. He took my mother by the shirt in the hospital when he had the stroke and went into the comma, and said. 'You did it you Bitch. You Finally Killed my brother!' OF COURSE! One of the times I Wasn't able to be there! and He does that!. Alright anyways. While he is trying to take my father way. My mom comes into the room and starts yelling at him. I yet again opened my mouth and said something. To the point where he backed me into a corner and threatened to beat me till I bled. ._.; Yeah. Stupid MF. Anyways. Lmao. Shortly after he left when mom Threatened to call the cops. and opened her cell to do it. Not even a few months after did My father have to go to the Nursing home.
Now he's been in the nursing home for over 5 years now. I still watch my mom suffer. We go and visit him.. But he is getting worse and worse.. He barely even remembers me... Infact he doesn't. Unless you remind him over and over again. That's when he starts to remember.... He's in his final days... And I hate it.. I lived with that man and my mother for a long ass time. And I had already lost my grandfather back in 2000of May, on the 31'st. Lovely isn't it?

OH! Lmfao. Did I forget to mention. My uncle and his pitiful wife are moving to Kentucky-sp.- Lovely isn't it? I thought so. Until. Yet here it is. Once again something I wasn't there for.. He walks into my father's room in the nursing home. Ask's my mom to speak with her outside his room; and threatens to take my father wtih him when he moves. Mom said over her dead body. And... that son of a bitch. Said it.. 'That can be Arranged.' When she came home. She was calm. But onceI asked what was wrong. She broke down and started to cry. I was with my sister. Slander/Always_And_Forever/Asharya from wolfhome. I introduced her. Anyways.. She was there when My mother started to cry. She comforted her while I went across the street to get a paper thing. And since mother wouldn't tell me. I asked her friend, who I call my aunt now, what was wrong. And she told me. My ear's perked. And I snarled. And when I got home. I flung the door open And stated. 'That Motherfucking son of a bitch should burn in hell where he belongs!" My sister. "So you heard?" "Yes.." I comforted my mother and called My uncle's Daughter who he treats like shit. And Told her to talk to my mom. They talked. and yeah..

Oh.. You will like this. We tried to get a Restraining order. We Filled out all the papers. But couldn't file them. Because My other Aunt and Uncle. The nice ones, must I say. Were going to be attacked by The asshole. None the less if we did that. He would treat the rest of my family who I love like shit. ._. That is how much of a lowlife he really is. -Sighs.- Now I told mom. That if he came anywhere near us. I would attack. I mean.. He only goes and sees my dad for themselves.. As in. They go to gloat. and ect. Sad thing is. He has my fathers' guns. My dad was in the Vetniam war. And lost both his legs. and Became blind in one eye. So yeah. Before all this happened. My mom gave him the guns. to hold onto while I got older. Yeah..

And.. Sept, 26th. Was My Mother's and Father's 26th Wedding Anniversary. :/ Yeah... Mom Was Really Depressed. And I Cleaned The Whole House For Her... I Miss my father.. And Very Much Do I miss him... </3

All the while.. I had to deal with friends commiting suicide. or. Dying in car accidents. Or. Drug over uses. BLAH. I am so sick of life. I swear to god one of these days I might snap and kill someone.. or myself.. I don't know yet. But life is shit for me lately. And I am getting really annoyed with all those people that are like "OMFG Your So Emo hahaha Go cut in a corner." Shut. Up. You people are low lives. with no love and lives. So STFU. :]

Sorry.. I had to rant.. Short.. But yeah. Writing about everything I wrote in red. Pissed me off. -He growled.- Sorry.. Anyways...Yeah

To All my friends. -I LOVE. YOU!!!!!<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333.-